(All music and lyrics by The Mighty Handful)The Mighty Handful

Once Upon a Lifetime

“You only live once … but if you do it right, once is enough”
Mae West


Not A Dry Glass In The House

“I’m not afraid of death … I just don’t want to be there when it happens”
Woody Allen

This is the end.
My story starts, paying respects.
To my best friend
The best of the best of them

Spilling out. Beyond the aisles,
Beyond the doors. Two hundred guests
And the rest.
The sermon ends, so we repair

And there’s not a dry glass in the house
There’s not a dry glass in the house
There’s not a dry glass in the house
Silence boils to stories
Stories rise to laughter
Tears flow of both courses
Voices rise in anger
Then stutter. Then murmer.

And there’s not a dry glass in the house
There’s not a dry glass in the house
There’s not a dry glass in the house
Aunts and friends and lovers
All keen to paint a picture
And a life becomes a jigsaw
The pieces cherished, priceless
The colours now fading

And there’s not a dry glass in the house
There’s not a dry glass in the house
There’s not a dry glass in the house
Each one is raised to honour
Missed chances and rich promise
Of a fire long since extinguished
Still remembered
(though in truth for years just embers)

To our distinguished fallen friend.
To the best of the best of them.
To Glenn.

So You’re Death?

[In response to Death coming for him] “Is there no exemption for actors?”
Jonas Skat (The Seventh Seal)

A man walks into the bar and it’s not a joke.
Mine’s a pint. His ... a scythe.
My eyes widen as his narrow
He tips his point, tries a smile
And then he says, without the slightest trace of irony
Hullo. I’m the Grim Reaper, but you can call me Death

And lo, the beer spoke through me:
So you’re Death?
Well, okay then. In that case, we have a bit of a problem
Firstly I was hoping you’d be a cute goth girl
Preferably a Bachalo or McKean
Instead – look at you – it’s more like Bill and Ted
(And I take another swig of ale, because now I’m warming to my theme)

Is this some sort of bogus journey?
If you’re Death, then why take Glenn?
He was the best of the very best of them
You could have taken any one of us instead ...

On hearing this, Death being Death
Went deathly silent …

Foolish mortal!
Yours is not to ask the question
As for the goth girl thing
I’m getting that a lot these days
I have an offer
And it would serve you well to listen
If you want your friend again
I’m sure we could find a way
I’ve got the power, you’ve got the option
Do you want a taste?

Ah hell. Hell... hell... hell yeah. What the hell
It’s not like I’m making a deal with the devil

Well, in which case
Just step outside
Your chariot awaits!



Cavalier Spirit

It’s no silver ghost
But I still jump at the sight
Danny and his Cavalier
From 1985.

As you were, azure blue
And absolutely frightful.
The greatest car I ever knew

Roll up, roll up, roll up for the mystery tour
This cavalier spirit
My chariot of fire

As you were, azure blue
And absolutely frightful.
Who could ever ask for more?

(Death’s Term and Conditions)

Yeah, yeah, I’ve never been one for the small print,
Let’s just cut to the chase shall we?
As you wish …

Alright, Danny? All right!
What, no dice? Oh yeah that’s right
If it’s not a command then he’ll ignore it
Alright Danny, alright ... alright …. alright … alright

A Trip in the Light Fantastic

Trip in the light fantastic
The wind is in my hair
The future’s far behind us
We’re going everywhere

The path I see before us
Morphs future, past and now
Sub-conscious thoughts direct me
Towards my inner self

My present lies within you
In this, our final dance
Death, who rides beside us,
Embraces our last chance

Humankind’s achievements
Laid bare before our eyes
Destruction, sorrow, evil
All there to scrutinise

Fact and fiction flow together
In a tub of cheap champagne
Where we all live forever
‘Til Death calls us again

(Time shudders. And slows. Synapses explode)

(All music and lyrics by The Mighty Handful)

Still Sitting In Danny's Car Part 2 banner

The Beacon

“A moderate use of beer will aid digestion, quicken the powers of life and give elasticity to the body and mind."
United States Department of Agriculture report, 1866

The car stops
In the parking lot.
And there it is –
Our Camelot.
The frosted windows. The Holsten neon.
The wooden sign above that bears a poor rendition.
The lighthouse. The freehouse.
The Beacon.

Martini logo
Masks the reflection.
And there it is
Our very own round table.
And oh, the gang’s all here!
And it’s all “Where you been” and “Come pull up a chair.
But first ... get in the beers”.
Yeah, it figures.

(The gang’s all here!)
There’s Mickey, Bob and Raymond,
Three kings with crumbling kingdoms
They can barely stand
But still they’re studying the form
Cheering on their warriors
And they’re cursing their lost wars
Generous with time and wine
To recruit you to their cause

(The gang’s all here!)
There’s good-old-good-time Brenda
Quick with a laugh and an innuendo
She knows her door is closed …
… or ajar at the very best
She still remembers rolling
Keeps that fire within her breast
Oh the things that she could teach
To unwary weary travellers!

The gang’s all here!

And that means... oh god, she’s here
And there she is … my Guinevere.

She is a beacon. She is a siren.
(I can barely contain my excitement.)
The girl who is forever
And she’s bathed in the light from the Wurlitzer
And it’s Marley, 10cc and Free
Every. Single. Time.
I never could quite fathom it,
But I loved her all the more for it
Those same three same old choices
A part of our folklore.

From the crowd.
A roar!
And there he is
Holding court.
As it ever was.
As it’s ever been.
Pint in hand and spewing forth all manner of grand schemes.
Our Glenn. Our Djinn.
Our king.

King of the Beacon

''What are kings, when regiment is gone,
But perfect shadows in a sunshine day?''
King Edward – Edward II, Christopher Marlowe

King of the Beacon
The architect of something new
King of the Beacon
The King of the Beacon
Calls for you …

He’s Charlemagne in sneakers
He is the life and soul
He proffers pearls of wisdom
He’s a Prince of Rock’n’Roll

He’s Spartacus in tight jeans
He’s the rebel with a cause
He writes, directs, and plays the crowd
While we smile and applaud it all.

The King of the Beacon
Local legend, worldly wise.
The King of the Beacon
The man, the myth
Our friend who died.

He talks of quarks and quasars
And distant burning stars
Quotes easily from Ovid
While Dan props up the bar.

It’s times like this we lived for
When joy and magic flowed
It’s a usual night of drinking
And the possibilities … explode!

King of the Beacon
We pledge allegiance, heed the call
King of the Beacon
To aspire to something more

King of the Beacon
The King of the Beacon
Calls for you
King of the Beacon
The King of the Beacon
Calls to you

Hypothetically Speaking

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
after Muriel Strode, Wind-wafted Wild Flowers

But what of our hero?
I’ve seen you look better
Has someone stepped on your grave?
I suppose you could say that,
But it’s great just to see you
But we rehearsed yesterday

We wrote ‘We Got the Rock’ & ‘Melody Maker’
As a cynical ploy
‘bout the mag and guitar
And it’s foolproof, yeah,
We’ll get loads of free gear
And a write-up, and then ,,, and then we’ll be big stars

Hypothetically speaking
What if nobody hears them
Tell me where do we go?

Hypothetically speaking
What if no one believes then
Would that be a terrible blow

While we’re here
Hypothetically speaking
If Danny’s car was a time machine
Tell me where would you go?

Mate! I’m a doctor of hypotheory
I took the hypothetic oath
Hypothetically speaking
Where wouldn’t I go?

I’d go see the Great Wall as a building site
And see Jimi as he’s tearing up the Isle of Wight
I’d call in on Cromwell and Leonardo
So many choices
Where wouldn’t I go?

I’d visit Old London to say hi to Pepys
Rub shoulders with Homer, watch Rommel’s defeat
I would trade arcane stories with Lovecraft and Poe
So many choices
Where wouldn’t I go?

I’d sail with the Norsemen, kiss Helen of Troy
Watch TV with mother when I was a boy
See Nixon and many more big politicians
Get caught in all manner
of imbroglio

So many great choices
Where wouldn’t I go?

Mate! I’m a doctor of hypotheory
I took the hypothetic oath
Hypothetically speaking
Where wouldn’t I go?

I’d tell Siegel and Shuster to sign away nothing
Give Hitchcock the idea to insert Maguffins
I’d tell Nostradamus the things that I know

So many choices
Where wouldn’t I go?

Danny! Boys! Gather the band
It’s time for one more diabolical plan
So go kiss your goodbyes and let’s go with the flow
Hypothetically speaking
We’re hitting the road

Trip Reprise

“Never be afraid to sit awhile and think …”
Lorraine Hansberry, A Raisin in the Sun


Time Crash

“So … all of time and space. Everything that ever happened or ever will. Where do you want to start?”
The Doctor, The Eleventh Hour